Three big Ms !!!

Here we are, after solstice and the holidays, and just into the new year... I love this time as an opportunity to reflect and settle -- looking back, looking forward, and still, being right here, now; relishing the long, cozy evenings, taking time for tea and quiet. I hope this time has been rewarding and pleasurable for you too.

Apropos new beginnings: I was cycling along recently and it occurred to me while the title of my book, Becoming: Journeying Toward Authenticity, describes what the book has meant for me, it doesn't really do a good job of communicating what I hope the volume can do for its readers. As I rolled along, the phrase Maximize Memorable Moments occurred to me! Three big Ms!

So what do I mean by this? Each essay addresses a 'memorable moment' in my life: some of them were ones that hurt (e.g. The Road to Hell, page 156), or that startled or jolted me in some way (Treasure Trove, page 78), or that opened doors (Look Where You Want to Go, page 112), either in that very moment or in the days and years to come, or that rained down on my life like fireworks (Being Alone, page 31)!

That's two Ems. Memorable Moments. Big ones. Ones that made a lasting impression.

But we all have an abundance of moments that hurt, surprise, jolt us, and they aren't always ones we even want to remember, let alone 'maximize.' So what about that third M?

By Maximize, I mean take the full value from, digest, metabolize, yes, even celebrate! In writing Becoming, the process of recalling these memorable moments, plus the rethinking that was needed to articulate them, meant that each one took on deeper meaning, became richer and gained dimensions compared to being just moments in my life, even memorable ones.

And that is what I wish for us as we move toward into the new year, a new decade: that you may recognize moments in your life as memorable: reading with a grandchild, being hurt or ignored by someone you value, noticing the glint of a sunbeam on a tree or the mountains...

Let us take the time, bring the presence and awareness to rec0gnize these moments, and bring consciousness to them so they may enrich us, and recognize the learning, the teaching they offer.

May they make us more alive, full of life! A major bonus, of course, is that by doing this, we contribute to the evolution of consciousness, ours and that of the cosmos!

Happy New Year, and blessings to you and yours!

Suggestions!

May I be so bold as to suggest some considerations for your giving this season? If you're not interested, you can click on an uplifting Flash Mob performance and carry on with your day :-)

Where ever you are, and whatever you do with this list of suggestions, warm greetings and blessings, and happiness, peace, and joy for the holidays.

Jill

Certainly there are always green and social service gifts, which are clearly good choices. In this note I am suggesting items created by friends of mine, and which cover a broad range of interests: an enchanting children's CD, a riveting historical, psychological, page-turner; an intriguing numerology volume; tools for tapping in to your inner knowing, and a personal invitation to maximize the memorable moments in our lives.

Something for everyone! And you would be supporting local talent! Have a browse :-)

• My dear friend, singer and songwriter Peggy Rose has produced a wonderful CD for children. Our grandchildren love her songs, stories and poems, her warmth and humour. The CD contains a broad variety of themes and rhythms. The songs, stories and poems have a timeless quality, and have been favourites with our children for years now. Her CDs is called Peggy Rose's Musical Storybook, Volume 1. Peggy also has another recording (basement tape quality) called November Rose: Songs of Peace and Love. Both tapes are priced at $10 plus $2 for mailing if necessary. Please contact Peggy at 604-921-7585 or peggystortz@shaw.ca

• A treasured and talented colleague and friend Carla Rieger has written a page-turning adventure story which could be the perfect selection for someone you know. The Change Artist is in turn autobiographical, historical, psychological, and an entirely compelling look at the potential for personal change and transformation. "Romance, adventure, history, philosophy — it has it all! A thought-provoking page-turner that illuminates a little-known period of history and makes it relevant for today." I like how it describes our lives as works of art. What a gift! Buy it here or here.

• If you're deeply into, or simply curious about, numerology, I have just the ticket. A good friend, Lance Shaler, (who features as one of my mentors in my book, Becoming :-), has written a book which makes numerology accessible and fun. In Why Do Numbers Count Lance accesses decades of research and experience, and goes way beyond 'just' numbers in that he links to metaphors about people, plants, our senses, as well as astrology. In case you know people searching for just the right name for their baby, he also offers Baby Names - Why They Count. I have a friend who was startled and amazed at the depth of Lance's insights, and completely rethought the names they had been considering for their new baby. Purchase here and here.

• Who of us would not like to make our work light, either by including many hands, or bringing to it new and brighter dimensions, awareness, or tools? Well, Kate Sutherland has a brand new book called Make Light Work: 10 Tools for Inner Knowing. Her book gives "10 simple but powerful tools to access the inner insight and wisdom that enables you to both resolve major life events and cope with the little everyday problems like: how to deal with a boss who drives you crazy; what food options are best for you or your family; or how to navigate home when an accident snarls traffic. It’s the ultimate self-help book, revealing practical ways we can find our own answers by tuning in." What is more, the layout is accessible and eminently practical, ready to be picked up and used. Available on line here and here.

• And of course I'd like you to consider my volume, Becoming: Journeying Toward Authenticity. Short essays address universal human themes in an intimate way. Recalling and reflecting on pivotal moments in our lives can take us deeper, help us crack old patterns and become more alive and real. The reflection questions in each chapter invite the reader along on the journey. Becoming makes a perfect gift to end the old year and begin the new -- for yourself, a friend, or someone for whom you need a special gift. Read reviews here, and order through me or on line.



Jill Schroder
BECOMING: JOURNEYING TOWARD AUTHENTICITY
1203-2055 Pendrell St.
Vancouver, BC V6G 1T9

Phone/Fax: 604 662-7561

Thanks and gratitude

As many in the US prepare for some form of Thanksgiving celebration (it is, I understand, the holiday for and on which more people travel to be together than any other, and the purpose is, ostensibly, to give thanks), I find myself reflecting on the theme of gratitude and thanks in general.

The practice of Naikan comes to mind, a practice which invites us to reflect on what we have received, what we have given, and what 'troubles and difficulties' we have caused. To quote from the Naikan site: It’s as if, standing on top of a mountain, we shift from a zoom lens to a wide-angle lens. Now we can appreciate the broader panorama - our former perspective still included, but accompanied by much that had been hidden. And that which was hidden makes the view extraordinary."

Another way we might put things in perspective is with Billy Collin's poignant poem, Have a listen to The Lanyard, read by Garrison Keillor on Poetry Everywhere. It invites me to reflect on what I have given and received in the course of my lifetime, or in a day, a week, or from a particular person. And you?

As I recall my experience with Naikan, and feel into the sentiments of The Lanyard, I find myself full of gratitude, for the gift of life, of love, for the chance to celebrate the bounties of the earth together, for time alone, for the crystals of snow on the mountain tops and gracing the window, for the dark time of year, the warmth of bodies, grandchildren, joined hands, open hearts....

Blessings to you and yours this holiday season.

Pivotal Moments

I am pleased to share with you that I will be hosting a book reading through the Vancouver Public Library, Joe Fortes Branch. It is billed as a 'Meet the Author' event, yet I rather think of it as a time to come together to reflect on key moments in our lives. I will select a reading from BECOMING, and then invite a dialogue with participants on the topic.

The theme for the event is Pivotal Moments... recalling and reflecting on those key moments in our lives where something shifted for us -- people, places, events which created 'ah ha' experiences, ones that pushed our boundaries, opened new doors, transformed our perspectives or stories in some significant way...

And here's where you come in. I'd be pleased to hear from you about which essay you would suggest we choose -- one that spoke to you personally, one that you find would be appropriate for an introduction to the book, one that you have found works well in circles and discussion groups...

You can respond by posting a comment on this site, or write to jill.schroder@gmail.com.

If by any chance you are new to the site, you can have a look at BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity by going to the website or visiting Amazon, where you can also read some reviews to get a flavor for the volume.

I look forward to hearing from you, and perhaps to seeing you at the reading on Sunday, Nov. 7. We will meet at 2:00 pm in the Barclay Room of the West End Community Centre, across from the library there, at Haro and Denman in Vancouver. Admission is free, seating is limited.

Cutting the Mustard

One of the first essays in BECOMING, is called Cutting the Mustard. It's in the section Growing Up, and after spending a great deal of time with many of my grandchildren this summer, I am poignantly reminded of the wonders and challenges of this business of 'growing up.' Indeed, I think most of us never complete the job!

Consider this lovely image of a mustard plant...the close up reminds me of how sometimes we are so close to our challenging issues that it's hard to get a perspective on them. We 'become' our anger, the frustration, the resentment... and have no space in our consciousness to see or hold a bigger picture: that what we are experiencing is an emotion, that it is not who we are, that there are choices involved, that we can see things a different way... We are living a freeze frame, which can keep us out of touch with our joy, from the flow, for much of of our lives.

One 'Significant Emotional Experience' (SEE) from my childhood involved mustard :-). It featured majorly in my personal work for decades. (Old grooves lie deep, and are hard to change!) My parents had guests over for dinner, and I was invited down to say hello before being whisked off to bed. I was about three years old. When I asked what was in a dish on the dinner table, people said, "Try it." Well I did. It was bitter and surprising, and I must have made a pinched face. Everyone laughed, and I felt (though I wouldn't have been able to put a word to it at that time), humiliated. This single experience colored the way I experienced new situations, ones that involved mistakes, or stepping out of familiar patterns, for a very long time.

Let tiny mustard seeds stand for the seemingly small events in our lives, our SEEs. Yet they have the power to grow, and grow, and grow... and come to exert a surprisingly powerful effect on our lives, our sense of self, our ability to simply be ourselves and live at ease and with authenticity.

After recalling and working with my mustard experience many times, it has finally lost its charge, and my fear of humiliation has faded... it's more OK to make mistakes, to look foolish. The possibility of failure, or not being good at something new, doesn't hold the terror it did for me for a long time. (Now, while mistakes are OK, I certainly still like to be right! Just kidding!)

Actually, when I try to think back to the time when the humiliation frame was around many of my pictures, I almost can't remember what that was like. It's quite amazing. Our early grooves lie very deep, but it is indeed possible to change them, with hard work, and lots of repetition.

New studies on neural pathways, brain plasticity, our early 'wiring' and how it can be changed, support this experience. The good news: we can change patterns and beliefs that are no longer serving us. The bad news: it takes a long time and hard work. You might like to check out Laurel Mellin's approach, which is backed by years of experience with clients and the latest scientific research. I recommend her books The Pathway, and Wired for Joy.

It's almost as though I've stepped back and can see the whole field now, and neither the mustard seed, nor the single plant that grew in my garden, loom large, or take up the whole frame. I can see the beauty of the panorama, and have some choice about where I put my attention!


I invite you to reflect on a significant emotional experience in your life. How has it been, or is it still, limiting for you? If so, in what ways? Take some time to experiment with telling the story in a different way. What do you notice in your body? How do you feel when you consider 'dropping' the old version of the story and adopting a new one?

Your comments and contributions are most welcome! If you have enjoyed this exploration, please consider purchasing BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or in Vancouver at Banyen Books.

Children -- Oh, the children!

We have just enjoyed a number of family visits -- reunions with far flung children and grandchildren, home visits with closer groups. The time together puts me in mind of the numerous ways that children influence and shape our lives.

What are the ways you have found children to be formative, possibly transformative, in your life? Your own children, nieces and nephews, grandchildren... they all touch us.

One way they touch us is that children can remind us of how we came to be who we are. "There are no seven wonders in the eyes of a child, there are seven million." -- Walt Steightiff

We have the opportunity to be with them as they evolve from open, undefended bundles of presence to the unique, distinctive packages of personhood that they each become, inevitably. If we view their unfoldment from a larger perspective, observing how this happens, we can sometimes notice what effect these little personalities can have on our own, and we have an extremely illuminating tool that can contribute to our own journey of awakening, our own journey toward authenticity, toward being our true selves.

In BECOMING, a full chapter is devoted to the gifts I have received from grandchildren in my life, for example reminders of our inherent vitality and easy confidence, ("Who wants to play with the amazing Me?" she said at four, arms open and up high!); really paying attention, full attention; experiencing awe, wonder, unfettered, unconditional joy; giggling and gurgling for no apparent reason; intrepid, unfazed determination, courage and strength; contactfulness, easy personal connection, free from doubt, second-guessing; fearless availability and full responsiveness to the magic of the world... to name just a few!

And then there's also the other side! I've had conversations with parents who are stymied at times, exhausted, daunted, perplexed, and exasperated at the cumulative effect of the 'NO, I won't, and you can't make me!', the push-back and defiant modes, seemingly endless self-focus, lack of cooperation, stubbornness. How 'unreasonable' they can be! What the heck can one 'do'? How the heck can one 'be' with these beings?

Recently a young father observed that reading Eckhard Tolle's A New Earth had made a remarkable difference in his capacity to be present and patient with his children during the crunchy times. He went on to say how this new way of being was as much a gift to his kids, as to himself. I was touched by the conversation, and see it as a perfect example of how being with, and raising, children is really about continuing to 'raise ourselves', about our being willing and able to look at our triggers, and to inquire about why this or that behavior gets to us so deeply!

I like to believe that our children 'chose' us as their parents, and that together we have almost a destiny to give and share love and the good times life offers, but also to teach and learn from each other. Wes Stafford says, "Every child you encounter is a divine appointment."

So I leave you with two questions, to reflect on the sweet, rich, profound gifts, as well as the irksome and agonizing triggers and times, (whether in waking hours or during the long nights) that we experience with children: What might be some of the lessons that the children in your life are offering to you? Are you 'getting' the message?!

BECOMING : Journeying Toward Authenticity has several essays about these themes, life lessons, children, ways we learn. Perhaps you might like to check it out, give yourself and the children in your lives the gift of continuing to grow up! Other books that you might be interested in are Annie Burnside's Soul to Soul Parenting : A Guide to Raising a Spiritually Conscious Family, great for grandparents too!, and Anne Hillman's illuminating volume Awakening the Energies of Love : Discovering Fire for the Second Time. When we are tapped in to the larger space of transformative love, we have so much more to bring to the daily ups and downs.

You might also enjoy checking out the Becoming website -- and explore various ways the volume has been fruitful for people -- in therapy, spiritual and ongoing discussion groups, study circles, as a tool for self-reflection, aid in journaling. Your comments, questions, suggestions are always welcome!

Use It or Lose It!

Today is the longest day of this year -- Summer Solstice. Within a week I will be heading to a Fire Island beach for a family reunion, staying in the same community where I spent many summers as a child -- my parents actually met each other there.

As I think about the walks, jogs on the beach, the sandy push-ups we will do together, the sand castles we will build with grandchildren, the frisbees we will throw, the good conversations we will have, and food prepared and saavored together, I am filled with gratitude. Here is my solstice wish for you: May you have enjoyable summer days -- long, delicious, some leisurely, some active, some reflective -- full of flow, grace, pleasure, awareness, joy.

But back to running on the beach. This year, actually, for the first time in my life, I may not be able to do the kind of free, full-on, carefree running I would like to.

Why? Well, my body says, 'No. That's not smart -- not anymore." When I let that sink in, considerable sadness arises... I could rage at aging... That, however, is another topic. How to be with the inevitable shifts that come with passing years and aging bodies...We'll come back to that sometime! What I'd like to look at more closely here, though, is the notion of 'Use It or Lose It.'

One of the essays in BECOMING explores the material in depth. Maybe you'd like to have a look :-) I find that 'use it or lose it' has validity in many areas, physical, mental, emotional, and not the least, in the spiritual dimension as well.

What also interests me, however, is the motivation behind the question. Who and what says, 'Use it or lose it!' to us? Is it some inner critic, gremlin, or super ego, menacing, harsh and unforgiving -- based in fear or negativity? For most of us this might be the case, at least sometimes. Just listen for a moment to the tone of voice -- its inflection and quality will be a dead give-away! Is it the critic? If so, blow it off. Just say no! :-) That's not what any of us needs! (Years of personal work go into this, but when we can actually say 'Be Gone' to our inner critics, we've won a big victory!)

It might however be a voice that says, 'What a day-to day' affair life is!' (Jules Laforgue), a voice that rings with enthusiasm, which exhorts us to 'Go for it, Live it up, enjoy and relish life to the hilt!' Even if it doesn't make sense to run full-out any more...there are beach walks at dawn or dusk, yoga in the sand. And tennis with the grandchildren, that should work! :-)

You get the gist. While I believe that 'use it or lose it' is clearly true -- it applies to sexuality, empathic communication, concentration and awareness, patience, memory, muscles, hearing (to name just a few) -- we truly don't need to take it from the critic.

While I am not in charge of life, or the way it unfolds and changes, I am part of, and actually, one with, the flow. I do not control it, yet my personal choices have implications and consequences. Every day I can listen to the kinder, gentler voice and see what choices it might suggest to me that day -- to treasure and value, preserve and enjoy. the temple that are my body and mind for this section of the journey.

Someone who is clearly going for the gusto is Suzann Kingston -- a feisty Vancouver author who writes and blogs about body image and being fully alive. She'd had a fall on her roller blades, Mike helped her up, (read about it here!), and we started talking, right there on the sea wall. It was a tingling conversation, and we are pleased at the new connection.

If you are intrigued by the 'use it or lose it' challenge, consider these Questions for Reflection: What affect does 'use it or lose it' have on you, primarily: does it create fear and negativity, or inspiration and enthusiasm? In what areas of your life in particular does it make sense to 'use it'? What are some dimensions and facets of your life in which you are willing to invest time and energy to maintain, and around which it might be just fine to become more loose?

Right now a moment of time is passing by! We must become that moment," Paul Cezanne

What's a Mother?

All of us have profound, often tangled, deep, and complex connections to mothers, whether we like it or not. Our relationship to our mothers is a core issue that all people interested in the spiritual journey, in living more consciously come across, sooner, rather than later! We all had a mother, we all have them as friends, and many of us are mothers ourselves. Some of us, see the picture to the right, have been or are still are 'Mothers in the Middle,' in relationship both with our own parents, and dealing with the inexorable changes that come with aging, and at the same time we're also challenged and gifted by the relationships to our children.

"What's a Mother?" is an essay in BECOMING that addresses the issue of what being a mother actually means, how it feels, smells, sounds, resides in our body...to two people connected to the same mother :-) My grown son Martin and I had a conversation one fine summer day that began with some consternation and confusion, and ended with warmth and deepening connections. I began by saying, "I'm so glad I don't have to be your mother anymore." Martin looked puzzled and a bit alarmed, and returned, "But I want you to be my mother. Don't say that!" We were obviously on different pages, and maybe even reading different books!

At the time I was taking conflict resolution training, and one of the skills that were touted was to ask open questions -- to help put ourselves into the other person's shoes, to get a feel for their experience. And happily, in that moment of puzzlement and disconnect, I thought to explore what 'mother' meant to each of us.

For me the associations with 'mother' included joy and wonder, love and caring -- yes, for sure -- but, as a mother in the middle, I was still painfully in touch with the tinges of criticism that I had felt from my mother, her expectations... Add to that my recollection of wakeful nights, aching and wondering what was best for my children, my having expectations and hopes for their well-being, but not wanting to lay my views and values too heavily on them... So it was a very mixed bag, and I was pleased to be moving beyond that push-pull of parental responsibility to a cleaner adult connection, more like being friends, connecting in a more equal way.

And it was a pleasant and illuminating surprise to hear Martin's associations -- the set of experiences and feelings about what 'mother' meant to him... They are recounted on pages 92-94, if you'd like to see! Each child will be different, of course, but that day opened up wide worlds for Martin and me.

Do these musings wake some 'mother' recollections, maybe challenges, in your own life? Perhaps you might like to reflect on your own experiences: What does the word 'mother' mean to you? What do you think it meant(means) to your mother? If you were to have a real or imaginary conversation with your mother about what mothering meant, what would you like to say? You might even try this, using two chairs. When you sit in one chair, speak for yourself, and then move to the other, and speak as you think your mother might speak. When each mother feels complete, has said what is important to her, see what new information emerged.

Now that I am no longer 'mother in the middle,' but the nearly the oldest of the mothers in my extended family, I am relishing being a grandmother, which one of our friends calls 'recreational parenting.' :-) It is fascinating to dialogue with the mothers in my life about their views, their values, their challenges, their considerations. There is so much to read these days, so many suggestions, admonitions, perspectives to consider... It can be quite daunting.

In this regard, a new book on parenting has just come out that I would love to have had as a resource back then. It's called Soul to Soul Parenting: A guide to raising spiritually conscious family, by Annie Burnside. One reviewer has called Annie "the Eckhart Tolle of parenting"! :-) Annie brings into focus an vital dimension of conscious parenting, and her book is a gift to parents, children, and grandparents alike.

Apropos both of being in the middle, and wanting to raise a spiritually conscious family, here is a quote from Pema Chodron, a respected and beloved Buddhist teacher:

"We are told about the pain of chasing after pleasure and the futility of running from pain. We hear also about the joy of awakening, of realizing our interconnectedness, of trusting the openness of our hearts and minds. But we aren't told all that much about this state of being in-between, no longer able to get our old comfort from the outside but not yet dwelling in a continual sense of equanimity and warmth.

Anxiety, heartbreak, and tenderness mark the in-between state. It's the kind of place we usually want to avoid. The challenge is to stay in the middle rather than buy into struggle and complaint. The challenge is to let it soften us rather than make us more rigid and afraid. Becoming intimate with the queasy feeling of being in the middle of nowhere only makes our hearts more tender. When we are brave enough to stay in the middle, compassion arises spontaneously. By not knowing, not hoping to know, and not acting like we know what's happening, we begin to access our inner strength.

Yet it seems reasonable to want some kind of relief. If we can make the situation right or wrong, if we can pin it down in any way, then we are on familiar ground. But something has shaken our habitual patterns and frequently they no longer work. Staying with volatile energy gradually becomes more comfortable than acting it out or repressing it....Staying with it is what heals. It allows us to let go of our self-importance. It's how the warrior learns to love."

If this resonates, have a look at some of her books. You might want to start with Start Where You Are!

Aligning with Love

"Love is extolled by poets, tawdry and brilliant alike. For songwriters it’s a near ubiquitous theme. Scarcely a bestselling book or film lacks a love interest. Mystics avow that ‘God is Love.’ The Beatles sing ‘All you need is love.’ No doubt about it, love is a biggie."

Thus begins the essay in BECOMING called Aligning with Love. But what does love even mean? How do we love? What about love and Love? These questions have beleaguered me, and there have been times when it has seemed as though I don't know love, or how to love. The essay continues:

"Sometimes it has felt as though there is a yawning hole where my heart should be, a hard knot in my chest, closed and defended. I have been alarmed at times, and saddened, at the occasions and ways I am shut down, numbed out and deadened, like a proverbial zombie. "

Part of the confounding is that love has so many meanings, and is so hyped in our culture, if not lived. As I delved into my experience, it became clear that the love I wanted to know--explore, live, embody--was not romantic love, parental love, or the love of friend or even devotees. I'd call these forms of love, love writ with a small 'l'. They are important, beautiful, and have their place, in our hearts and the evolution of our species.

But there is a kind of Love that is deeper, beyond the personal, though it can manifest in a personal way. It's mysterious, universal, inside us but not only...poets like Rumi write about it,
mystics breathe it...spiritual traditions point to it...

Hear Teilhard de Chardin: "Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides , and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of Love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, humanity will have discovered fire." Chardin is speaking of Love with a capital 'L'. What is this Love? How do we know it, be it, do it? Or can we? What happens when we live it, succumb to it, are enveloped by it?

Through a mutual friend, Suzanne Barois, (integrally involved with transformation and human potential through the Be the Change Earth Alliance), I have serendipitously come to connect with Anne Hillman. Her work speaks to these questions in a profound and universal way.

Anne was inspired, deeply and early on, by this quote of Chardin's, and her recent book Awakening to the Energies of Love: Discovering Fire for the Second Time, is a rich, thoughtful treatise on these energies and their capacity for transformation.

Awakening provides a context for the big questions, and moves us toward understanding, resolution, and a new level of consciousness and capacity for love. And it's high time! Anne says "We stand at an evolutionary juncture, called to awaken to a new kind of Love. This Love is not a feeling; it is a great power...The power of Love initiates a complete change of mind--the fundamental transformation..." that when we awaken to it, is indeed akin to the discovery of fire.

I invite you to hear the call, to explore the depths, to listen to the whisper that there is something deeper, grander, fuller in us, and we in it, than we experience in our daily lives. It's truly an Invitation to Awakening, which is the title of the first chapter in Anne's book, and the book itself.

Helen Keller wisely counsels that "the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."

If touching on these topics has ignited the fire in your heart, you might want to consider these

Questions for Relection: What is your relationship to Love, to the energy, to the flow, the power of it? Name some ways that you touch into Love in your life. What is your experience of yourself when you are loving? What assumptions and beliefs do you have about love and Love? How do they limit or expand your capacity to align with Love?


You may purchase BECOMING on line, or ask your local bookstore to order it. BECOMING can be a valuable therapeutic tool as well. Read a therapist's perspective on its numerous benefits. Another idea: the collections of essays makes a good option for your book or study group!

Gardens, Gifts, and Butterflies

"There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again." Elizabeth Lawrence

It's spring at last, on the calendar, but also in our hearts and in the air, as well as in our gardens -- a time of rejuvenation, birth, transformation, growth and change. Gardens all over are bursting with vibrant life!

Fitting for the season, I offer you an excerpt from an essay in BECOMING called Gardens and Gifts:

"There are many kinds of gardens in our lives, not just the ones that grow flowers or vegetables. One could think of a circle of friends as a kind of garden, the arrangement of our cupboards, the plates and herbs we choose, the range of jobs we’ve held…

The life of an octogenarian Austrian great-grandma I know comprised several kinds of gardens. Recalling Oma’s variety of gardens has helped me reflect on mine. I have found the metaphor of 'Life itself as a Garden' to be fruitful (pun intended) and munificent.

Oma has a vital and robust will to live, even under her present challenging circumstances. She is in her nineties now, frail, confused, wizened, but her face can shine like a fading flower’s last bloom as, with her sense of humor and unrelenting determination, she decides anew to make the best of the situation.

Oma ... has modeled for me in a way that made a lasting impression—how to cultivate the beautiful and useful, savor the honey and honeysuckle along the way, and not to pay unnecessary attention to the weeds or irritations, only deal with them if they’re choking other growing things.

We’re always planting seeds, whether we are aware of it or not. We never know when we may have planted a seed that will bear fruit some time, some place. It’s also probable, sometimes sooner, sometimes later, that we reap what we sow. 'Life as a garden' is alive, and can enchant, instruct, and nourish ourselves and others."

If you find the metaphor useful, here are some questions for reflection: How does your garden grow? What sorts of seeds do you believe you are planting? If the fruit they bear are not exactly what you intended, what seeds would you like to plant and how could you nurture them? What are some ‘weeds’ in your garden and how do you relate to them? What are some aspects of your ‘garden’ that you particularly treasure and why?

As we go about tending the various gardens in our lives, or the garden of our life, let us also pay attention to the butterflies! Elisabet Sahtouris, an evolution biologist and futurist, offers this: "An old unsustainable system fights to preserve itself as a new system struggles to be born... There is no point in being angry with it and there is n need to worry about defeating it. The task is to focus on building the butterfly, the success of which depends on powerful positive and creative efforts in all aspects of society and alliances build among those engaged in them."

Let's tend our gardens and build more butterflies this spring!

You may purchase BECOMING on line, or ask your local bookstore to order it. It can be a valuable therapeutic tool as well. Read a therapist's perspective on its value. And another idea: the collections of essays makes a good option for your book or study group :-)

Flow and Awareness

What is the connection between a spiritual way, a path, and our activities in the world -- our craft, our work? Carla Needleman, potter and author, has written provocatively on this topic in her book, The Work of Craft. Even asking the question leads us to approach our relationship between the spiritual dimensions and our day-to-day activities with a wider perspective.

Stepping back from the usual grind of our stories and patterns, we can perhaps begin to discover that beneath our habitual activities we can sense connectedness, yes also interconnectedness. The theory of butterfly effect explores the rippling, expanding waves of sensitive dependence, where systems (and we ourselves are a system too), can unfold in a multitude of different ways from any given point, and it's impossible to predict--precisely because of the intricate interdependencies--where we will go--or, in spiritual terms, how we will unfold.

Here's the kicker: as we understand more about brain plasticity and how the brain works--indeed how learning changes our brains--and as modern psychodynamic insights reveal more about how we become the personalities we are -- we are led back to the critical role that attention and awareness play in our development-- how they actually affect the directions we take and how we unfold.

What are we paying attention to as we work and play, as we eat and relax? Are we present, are in touch with being, or are we stuck in stories about ourselves and others? Are we 'here, now,' or are our minds and psyches dwelling in the past and/or the future, as Richard Moss, in his seminal work The Mandala of Being suggests? Where is our attention, our awareness as we go about our lives and work? The answer can be part of a tipping point toward being, creativity, ease, richness, and joy.

I offer up an invitation to reflect on awareness today... what are we paying attention to, what's happening in our body, our mind, our belly, as we go about our craft, our leisure, our lives?

If you would like to explore this in your volume of BECOMING, we address these questions and connections in several essays, in particular in Flow, on page 189 ff: "We can be very involved in any given activity--teaching, reading, balancing a checkbook...and we can be quite focused and alert, but not aware...more or less running on automatic. ...Flow has to do with the degree to which we actually bring full awareness to the activity, are embodied, fully present to what we're doing." It is then as if we have added an extra dimension to our bodies and to our experience... focused and alert, yet also aware and richly in our being.

"Without knowing quite how it happens, not really being the doer, but nevertheless showing up, paying attention, being present...opening my mind and heart, I am in sync with the flow, I am lived, I am flow."

Questions for reflection: Consider a specific activity in your life, a familiar one that you sometimes do on automatic pilot. How do you experience this activity in your usual, everyday mode? Now describe what it could be like to be engaged in this activity when you are fully aware, present, in your body, in the flow? How do, or might, the insights affect your experience of the activity? Of your life?

You may purchase BECOMING on line, or ask your local bookstore to order it! A good option for your book or study group :-)

Circles of Awareness

I am pleased to tell you that we have added a new tab on the BECOMING website, Therapy and Counselling. I would like to thank Kathy Barnhart, marriage and family therapist (and talented photographer!), Toni Pieroni, registered counselor and Imago therapist, and Larry Butler, hypnotherapist and webmaster, all dear friends of mine -- Kathy for suggesting that BECOMING would be of great use as a therapeutic tool, Toni for writing a draft text of the 'how and why' of this new approach, and Larry for his generous, intensive, and extensive work on the website.

Here are some of the therapeutic benefits Toni mentions, that may come of reading and using BECOMING:

• To help individuals see their own life story as a story of 'becoming'
• To increase self-awareness and compassion for self and others
• To develop and strengthen their “observer” self (Brain science is showing that benefits to health and well-being come from developing that capacity.)
• To help people see that 'how' they tell their story impacts their perspective and feelings about their life – and that there may be more than one way to perceive one’s life.
• To help clients, or individuals, journal in a productive and meaningful way and help them break out of the circular looping the mind can often get stuck in.
• To have a way of seeing life’s journey as a process
• To assist clients in engaging more deeply with their own lives – taking on the task of 'authenticity'

If you know therapists, perhaps you could make them aware of this post or the website where there is further discussion of the topic. If you are a therapist yourself, well, voila! :-)

It becomes increasingly clear that readers are finding BECOMING valuable and rewarding on their personal journeys, and this additional use may be another way to expand the circles of awareness, reflection, and growth.

In gratitude for our interconnections, mutual enrichment, and with joy and pleasure in the shared journey,

Jill

WHO AM I...

and why am I here? How long do I have? What’s it all about?

Most of us grapple with big questions like these at some time in our lives. Even more so during transitions or times of crisis: moves, challenges in our work situation, our or our children’s lives, the death of loved a one, illness....

The beginning of a new year is also a time when many of us reflect on our lives, and it’s good so. There’s much to be gained by viewing and reviewing our journeys. Important too that this be without blame or judgement, of ourselves or others. No inner critic needed here!

There’s a bumper sticker that says, “Maybe the Hokey Pokey is what it’s all about!” I do chuckle whenever I see it on a car’s tail end. Lightness is also a quality that serves us well as we travel. It can invite us to go deeper. When I see that bumper sticker I take a deep breath, come into myself and return to the present moment – not always where I was!

A useful tool in reflecting on our journeys is to consider our parents’ lives. Carl Jung has said, “Nothing has a stronger influence on children that the unlived lives of their parents.” Two essays in BECOMING, ‘Being Alone’ and Finding My Niche’ explore this context and conclude with some probing questions: What do you see as your mother’s ‘unfinished business? What might this mean to and for you? How have your father’s choices affected your life? How might it be useful for you to address these issue in your life now?

BECOMING on line has a Search Inside feature now :-) If you’re inclined, go to Amazon and have a look. Better yet, consider a copy of your own as an invitation and accompaniment for your own reflections for 2010. There’s ordering information on the website.

Here’s another rich resource: Eckhart Tolle’s bestseller, A New Earth: Awakening to your Life’s Purpose, Chapter 7 starts with these words: "Know Thyself. What those words imply is this: Before you ask any other question, first ask the most fundamental question of your life: Who am I?" Tolle suggests to “Sit in silence and internally repeat, ‘Who am I?’ ‘Who am I?’ ‘Who am I?’ Be still and listen. Repeat the question and listen again in the silence. What did you experience? How was the question ‘Who am I?’ answered?”

Maybe you’ll come across the Hokey Pokey! Probably not :-)

I welcome your comments on this blog, and would be pleased if you tell someone about the blog and website if you find them useful.