Waves

My choir is singing the The Sea Symphony this weekend, Vaughn Williams has set Walt Whitman's poem to music, and what music it is! Want to be inspired? Listen to this clip highlighting the Scherzo movement, The Waves, and enjoy the images. what an adventure! Whether or not I manage to nail all the tough bits, singing it will be a Memorable Moment!

Canadian elections are looming: there is lots of action on the internet to oust Stephen Harper's Conservatives -- and man have they done some bad stuff! The reported surge of voter interest and turnout is surprising and most encouraging. A change in leadership would be a heartening event, a wave of good for Canada and the planet. If you're Canadian, you might want to consider vote swapping...

"We just might be the luckiest people alive!" Have you seen the card with this quote? I have it on my desk and take a deep, appreciative breath every time my eyes land on it. In addition to giving ourselves permission to be ourselves -- our imperfect, zany, authentic, unique and precious selves (see earlier blog post) -- gratitude is another way to maximize our lives, to tap into joy... to be in the present moment, to ride the undulating waves of our lives.

If you are new to the site, have a look at BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity. Check our website for a sample chapter, or view the reviews to get a flavor for the volume.

YES! YES! YES!

I just came across a sweet, deep, heartful poem called "God Says Yes to Me" by Kaylin Haught.

I love that God is female , that she talks with a warm, southern accent, and I was touched what she responded when asked whether it is was OK to do this, that, or something else... as be melodramatic, be short, wear nail polish, not paragraph letters. (Slip in your own special requests here.)

Guess what? God said "Sure it is OK." And "You can do exactly what you want to." And get this: "What I'm telling you is Yes, Yes, Yes."

How about that for permission to be ourselves! Of course no one needs to tell us that. What's more, it wouldn't do any good anyway. We need to know and accept it ourselves or we won't act on it. (And of course, it's not OK to hurt anyone else doing what we want to do. I'm sure God would agree. :-))

I was actually startled to notice the leap of joy in my heart that the poem's permission to say Yes! Yes! Yes! to ourselves, to our yearnings, our hearts' desires evoked in me. I was touched by the message, and I was also touched by how much it touched me -- as though I've never really given myself full permission to be myself with that wholehearted enthusiasm. It was truly a Memorable Moment! Maximize it :-), Yes, Yes, Yes!, by reflecting a bit.

How much and often do you give yourself permission to be who you are in the moment, to do what you really want to? How do you withhold permission, and what effect does this withholding have on your joy, your creativity, your capacities?

If you are new to the site, you can have a look at BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity by going to the website or checking out the reviews on Amazon to get a flavor for the volume.

What a Trip!

One of the essays in Becoming is entitled What a Trip! (page 71).

And that's just what I'm about to embark on this afternoon :-). I will be travelling in Egypt with a tour that takes an alternative approach to Egyptian culture and civilization, The Lost Civilization theory.

Whatever the truth about the history of Egypt and its civilizations, it will be a chance to be open to new experiences -- dealing with time changes, roommates, unexpected developments....

Marcel Proust says, 'The real voyage of discovery consists of not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." New eyes. What could that mean? The essay, What a Trip!, invites us all to consider our lives as a journey, and to reflect with new eyes on our directions, attitudes, destinations... Here are a few questions to guide the reflection:

If your life were a journey, what have been some of the destinations? How do you experience the journey at times when there is a clear goal in sight, and at times when you feel lost? What has been your attitude toward real or metaphorical potholes, headwinds, or any other difficulites out of your control? In what ways do you resist your life's journey? How could the journey transform if you didn't resist, or allowed the resistance instead of wishing things were different?

In closing, let's smile and appreciate a bit of wisdom from Satchel Page: "Ain't no use hurryin' if you're on the wrong road."

May you find whatever road you are on, to be full of riches, possibilities, learnings, and blessings!

Three big Ms !!!

Here we are, after solstice and the holidays, and just into the new year... I love this time as an opportunity to reflect and settle -- looking back, looking forward, and still, being right here, now; relishing the long, cozy evenings, taking time for tea and quiet. I hope this time has been rewarding and pleasurable for you too.

Apropos new beginnings: I was cycling along recently and it occurred to me while the title of my book, Becoming: Journeying Toward Authenticity, describes what the book has meant for me, it doesn't really do a good job of communicating what I hope the volume can do for its readers. As I rolled along, the phrase Maximize Memorable Moments occurred to me! Three big Ms!

So what do I mean by this? Each essay addresses a 'memorable moment' in my life: some of them were ones that hurt (e.g. The Road to Hell, page 156), or that startled or jolted me in some way (Treasure Trove, page 78), or that opened doors (Look Where You Want to Go, page 112), either in that very moment or in the days and years to come, or that rained down on my life like fireworks (Being Alone, page 31)!

That's two Ems. Memorable Moments. Big ones. Ones that made a lasting impression.

But we all have an abundance of moments that hurt, surprise, jolt us, and they aren't always ones we even want to remember, let alone 'maximize.' So what about that third M?

By Maximize, I mean take the full value from, digest, metabolize, yes, even celebrate! In writing Becoming, the process of recalling these memorable moments, plus the rethinking that was needed to articulate them, meant that each one took on deeper meaning, became richer and gained dimensions compared to being just moments in my life, even memorable ones.

And that is what I wish for us as we move toward into the new year, a new decade: that you may recognize moments in your life as memorable: reading with a grandchild, being hurt or ignored by someone you value, noticing the glint of a sunbeam on a tree or the mountains...

Let us take the time, bring the presence and awareness to rec0gnize these moments, and bring consciousness to them so they may enrich us, and recognize the learning, the teaching they offer.

May they make us more alive, full of life! A major bonus, of course, is that by doing this, we contribute to the evolution of consciousness, ours and that of the cosmos!

Happy New Year, and blessings to you and yours!

Children -- Oh, the children!

We have just enjoyed a number of family visits -- reunions with far flung children and grandchildren, home visits with closer groups. The time together puts me in mind of the numerous ways that children influence and shape our lives.

What are the ways you have found children to be formative, possibly transformative, in your life? Your own children, nieces and nephews, grandchildren... they all touch us.

One way they touch us is that children can remind us of how we came to be who we are. "There are no seven wonders in the eyes of a child, there are seven million." -- Walt Steightiff

We have the opportunity to be with them as they evolve from open, undefended bundles of presence to the unique, distinctive packages of personhood that they each become, inevitably. If we view their unfoldment from a larger perspective, observing how this happens, we can sometimes notice what effect these little personalities can have on our own, and we have an extremely illuminating tool that can contribute to our own journey of awakening, our own journey toward authenticity, toward being our true selves.

In BECOMING, a full chapter is devoted to the gifts I have received from grandchildren in my life, for example reminders of our inherent vitality and easy confidence, ("Who wants to play with the amazing Me?" she said at four, arms open and up high!); really paying attention, full attention; experiencing awe, wonder, unfettered, unconditional joy; giggling and gurgling for no apparent reason; intrepid, unfazed determination, courage and strength; contactfulness, easy personal connection, free from doubt, second-guessing; fearless availability and full responsiveness to the magic of the world... to name just a few!

And then there's also the other side! I've had conversations with parents who are stymied at times, exhausted, daunted, perplexed, and exasperated at the cumulative effect of the 'NO, I won't, and you can't make me!', the push-back and defiant modes, seemingly endless self-focus, lack of cooperation, stubbornness. How 'unreasonable' they can be! What the heck can one 'do'? How the heck can one 'be' with these beings?

Recently a young father observed that reading Eckhard Tolle's A New Earth had made a remarkable difference in his capacity to be present and patient with his children during the crunchy times. He went on to say how this new way of being was as much a gift to his kids, as to himself. I was touched by the conversation, and see it as a perfect example of how being with, and raising, children is really about continuing to 'raise ourselves', about our being willing and able to look at our triggers, and to inquire about why this or that behavior gets to us so deeply!

I like to believe that our children 'chose' us as their parents, and that together we have almost a destiny to give and share love and the good times life offers, but also to teach and learn from each other. Wes Stafford says, "Every child you encounter is a divine appointment."

So I leave you with two questions, to reflect on the sweet, rich, profound gifts, as well as the irksome and agonizing triggers and times, (whether in waking hours or during the long nights) that we experience with children: What might be some of the lessons that the children in your life are offering to you? Are you 'getting' the message?!

BECOMING : Journeying Toward Authenticity has several essays about these themes, life lessons, children, ways we learn. Perhaps you might like to check it out, give yourself and the children in your lives the gift of continuing to grow up! Other books that you might be interested in are Annie Burnside's Soul to Soul Parenting : A Guide to Raising a Spiritually Conscious Family, great for grandparents too!, and Anne Hillman's illuminating volume Awakening the Energies of Love : Discovering Fire for the Second Time. When we are tapped in to the larger space of transformative love, we have so much more to bring to the daily ups and downs.

You might also enjoy checking out the Becoming website -- and explore various ways the volume has been fruitful for people -- in therapy, spiritual and ongoing discussion groups, study circles, as a tool for self-reflection, aid in journaling. Your comments, questions, suggestions are always welcome!

What's a Mother?

All of us have profound, often tangled, deep, and complex connections to mothers, whether we like it or not. Our relationship to our mothers is a core issue that all people interested in the spiritual journey, in living more consciously come across, sooner, rather than later! We all had a mother, we all have them as friends, and many of us are mothers ourselves. Some of us, see the picture to the right, have been or are still are 'Mothers in the Middle,' in relationship both with our own parents, and dealing with the inexorable changes that come with aging, and at the same time we're also challenged and gifted by the relationships to our children.

"What's a Mother?" is an essay in BECOMING that addresses the issue of what being a mother actually means, how it feels, smells, sounds, resides in our body...to two people connected to the same mother :-) My grown son Martin and I had a conversation one fine summer day that began with some consternation and confusion, and ended with warmth and deepening connections. I began by saying, "I'm so glad I don't have to be your mother anymore." Martin looked puzzled and a bit alarmed, and returned, "But I want you to be my mother. Don't say that!" We were obviously on different pages, and maybe even reading different books!

At the time I was taking conflict resolution training, and one of the skills that were touted was to ask open questions -- to help put ourselves into the other person's shoes, to get a feel for their experience. And happily, in that moment of puzzlement and disconnect, I thought to explore what 'mother' meant to each of us.

For me the associations with 'mother' included joy and wonder, love and caring -- yes, for sure -- but, as a mother in the middle, I was still painfully in touch with the tinges of criticism that I had felt from my mother, her expectations... Add to that my recollection of wakeful nights, aching and wondering what was best for my children, my having expectations and hopes for their well-being, but not wanting to lay my views and values too heavily on them... So it was a very mixed bag, and I was pleased to be moving beyond that push-pull of parental responsibility to a cleaner adult connection, more like being friends, connecting in a more equal way.

And it was a pleasant and illuminating surprise to hear Martin's associations -- the set of experiences and feelings about what 'mother' meant to him... They are recounted on pages 92-94, if you'd like to see! Each child will be different, of course, but that day opened up wide worlds for Martin and me.

Do these musings wake some 'mother' recollections, maybe challenges, in your own life? Perhaps you might like to reflect on your own experiences: What does the word 'mother' mean to you? What do you think it meant(means) to your mother? If you were to have a real or imaginary conversation with your mother about what mothering meant, what would you like to say? You might even try this, using two chairs. When you sit in one chair, speak for yourself, and then move to the other, and speak as you think your mother might speak. When each mother feels complete, has said what is important to her, see what new information emerged.

Now that I am no longer 'mother in the middle,' but the nearly the oldest of the mothers in my extended family, I am relishing being a grandmother, which one of our friends calls 'recreational parenting.' :-) It is fascinating to dialogue with the mothers in my life about their views, their values, their challenges, their considerations. There is so much to read these days, so many suggestions, admonitions, perspectives to consider... It can be quite daunting.

In this regard, a new book on parenting has just come out that I would love to have had as a resource back then. It's called Soul to Soul Parenting: A guide to raising spiritually conscious family, by Annie Burnside. One reviewer has called Annie "the Eckhart Tolle of parenting"! :-) Annie brings into focus an vital dimension of conscious parenting, and her book is a gift to parents, children, and grandparents alike.

Apropos both of being in the middle, and wanting to raise a spiritually conscious family, here is a quote from Pema Chodron, a respected and beloved Buddhist teacher:

"We are told about the pain of chasing after pleasure and the futility of running from pain. We hear also about the joy of awakening, of realizing our interconnectedness, of trusting the openness of our hearts and minds. But we aren't told all that much about this state of being in-between, no longer able to get our old comfort from the outside but not yet dwelling in a continual sense of equanimity and warmth.

Anxiety, heartbreak, and tenderness mark the in-between state. It's the kind of place we usually want to avoid. The challenge is to stay in the middle rather than buy into struggle and complaint. The challenge is to let it soften us rather than make us more rigid and afraid. Becoming intimate with the queasy feeling of being in the middle of nowhere only makes our hearts more tender. When we are brave enough to stay in the middle, compassion arises spontaneously. By not knowing, not hoping to know, and not acting like we know what's happening, we begin to access our inner strength.

Yet it seems reasonable to want some kind of relief. If we can make the situation right or wrong, if we can pin it down in any way, then we are on familiar ground. But something has shaken our habitual patterns and frequently they no longer work. Staying with volatile energy gradually becomes more comfortable than acting it out or repressing it....Staying with it is what heals. It allows us to let go of our self-importance. It's how the warrior learns to love."

If this resonates, have a look at some of her books. You might want to start with Start Where You Are!

Circles of Awareness

I am pleased to tell you that we have added a new tab on the BECOMING website, Therapy and Counselling. I would like to thank Kathy Barnhart, marriage and family therapist (and talented photographer!), Toni Pieroni, registered counselor and Imago therapist, and Larry Butler, hypnotherapist and webmaster, all dear friends of mine -- Kathy for suggesting that BECOMING would be of great use as a therapeutic tool, Toni for writing a draft text of the 'how and why' of this new approach, and Larry for his generous, intensive, and extensive work on the website.

Here are some of the therapeutic benefits Toni mentions, that may come of reading and using BECOMING:

• To help individuals see their own life story as a story of 'becoming'
• To increase self-awareness and compassion for self and others
• To develop and strengthen their “observer” self (Brain science is showing that benefits to health and well-being come from developing that capacity.)
• To help people see that 'how' they tell their story impacts their perspective and feelings about their life – and that there may be more than one way to perceive one’s life.
• To help clients, or individuals, journal in a productive and meaningful way and help them break out of the circular looping the mind can often get stuck in.
• To have a way of seeing life’s journey as a process
• To assist clients in engaging more deeply with their own lives – taking on the task of 'authenticity'

If you know therapists, perhaps you could make them aware of this post or the website where there is further discussion of the topic. If you are a therapist yourself, well, voila! :-)

It becomes increasingly clear that readers are finding BECOMING valuable and rewarding on their personal journeys, and this additional use may be another way to expand the circles of awareness, reflection, and growth.

In gratitude for our interconnections, mutual enrichment, and with joy and pleasure in the shared journey,

Jill

Reader's comment

Dear friends, spiritual adventurers, fellow travelers on life's journey,

Here is the most recent reader's review of BECOMING. I hope it might pique your interest in delving into the volume!

"Quite wonderful, really. Your style is easy, engaging, alluring. Your language is clean and precise, your form masterfully simple.

It's not easy to use the first person, especially regarding spirituality, without distracting or annoying the reader with traces of ego or pedantry. Your reader is invited to share the journey, and willingly does so, sensing both the truth of the path, and the unconditional invitation. You present yourself as a seeker rather than a master, thus welcoming and disarming other potentially hesitant seekers, and encouraging them by admitting your all-too-frail humanity. All of which is underscored with a deep abiding wisdom. Even famous spiritual leaders may have their writings rejected by publishers; your success with this book is both well-deserved, and all the more outstanding.

As you touch others, as their eyes open, more light spills out, making your own path both more blessed, and all the more easy to follow."

Apropos of touching others, and light spilling out -- you might also like to check out Carla Rieger's blog and Christina Baldwin's Storycatcher. Both authors offer richness, inspiration, and address the possibilities of the transformation through story and circle. You are a story worth telling!

Blessings on you and your journey.

BECOMING is now available on line at Amazon in the US , Canada, and in the UK. Barnes and Nobel carries BECOMING as well.

Warmhearted praise.. add your voice? That would be lovely!

"We're all in this together -- by ourselves.:  Lily Tomlin

People reading my new book, Becoming, are warm in their enthusiasm and praise, which leads me to have the courage to spread the word.  I think you would enjoy the read.   I invite you to check it out!

Becoming is available at Duthie Books   http://www.duthiebooks.com/  2239 West Fourth Avenue, Vancouver.  

And also on line at The Write Room, easy as pie. 

You may also contact me directly to arrange a meeting and have a look at the book.  I'd love that :-)   A portion of all proceeds goes to the Canadian organization, Families for Children -- http://www.familiesforchildren.ca/

Need a gift for a friend? Becoming might be perfect.  Have a look.

Telling our Stories Part 2

If you'd like to order Becoming now, just go to The Write Room New Titles. You won't regret it!

Telling our stories: Part 2

We are continually choosing filters and frames for our lives, whether we know and acknowledge it or not.

Don’t make the mistake of underestimating or minimizing the power of stories: they resonate throughout our whole being. A story is something active, even if it is unconscious. It works in and on us. The way we frame our life--the stories we tell--affect the way we hold our past, how we live the present, how we respond in the future.

And our stories themselves provide a vehicle that can help us appreciate and learn from our part in the flow of life. Telling them can shed light on times, places and events that perhaps existed only vaguely, shrouded in the mists of our memories. They can provide insights, epiphanies, evoke laughter and tears. They can give meaning and allow us to put our lives into radically new and unexpected perspectives.

By reflecting on who we were, we begin a process of discovering who we have become through our life experiences. We can move toward presence and authenticity in part by becoming cognizant of our stories, the filters and frames we use to tell them, by learning from them and beginning to detach from them. We can let go of the accounts per se, because we have been able to extract the nutrients, and we can let them nourish us today, now, here, in present time on our own personal journey.

In Becoming: Journeying Toward Authenticity, you will find 40 some life stories, about a variety of unisersal, human themes. Each essay contains related readings and questions for reflection to invite you into your own stories.

Reflections: Tell your life story, highlighting key segments, in the form of two separate tales, one with your glass ‘half full,’ the other where your glass is seen as ‘half empty.’ What feelings do you have, what happens inside your body as you feel into each piece? What experiences have you digested and which ones are still in process? What stands out that you might like to explore more deeply?

Find out more about Becoming on the ChangeEverything website. Order your copy at http://www.thewriteroom.net/newtitles.html

Related reading:
Almaas, A. H. (1988). The Pearl Beyond Price: Integration of personality into Being: An object relations approach. Berkeley: Diamond Books
Baldwin, Christina (1991). Life’s Companion: Journal writing as a spiritual quest. NY: Bantam Books
Davis, John (1999). The Diamond Approach: An introduction to the teachings of A. H. Almaas. Boston: Shambhala
King, Stephen (2000). On Writing: A memoir of the craft. NY: Simon & Schuster
Remen, Rachel Naomi (2006). Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories that heal. NY: Penguin Books

Introducing Becoming

The book I have been working on for the past couple of years (it's my first), is fresh back from the printer! It's called Becoming: Journeying toward Authenticity and creating it has been a rich and rewarding project. It is published by a new, independent, Vancouver publisher: The Write Room Press.

I invite you to have a look at the book and read some reviews by going to http://www.thewriteroom.net/newtitles.html voila! It can be ordered there as well. Or you can contact me directly jill.schroder AT gmail.com (substitute @ for " AT "). A portion of the proceeds will go to Families For Children a fine non-profit, non-sectarian organization helping the poorest of women and children.

The book itself is a set of personal essays, which, as one reviewer has said, "... glean nuggets from many teachings and makes them personally accessible. This is benefit enough to recommend it. More than this, though, it invites us into our own experiences. And after all, it is here – in the intimacy of our own experience – that these stories come true and unfold. These stories are doorways, opening us to our own journeys. This is a book to read over and over."

Each essay begins with two provocative quotations which set the tone, and concludes with references to related reading to deepen the exploration of the theme. As well, each essay offers a set of questions which invite the reader to reflect on her/his own life in the areas addressed in that essay.

The essays themselves, and the questions that follow, are intended to be a stepping stone for the reader's own personal reflection and self-discovery. Becoming is an invitation for each of us to delve into our own lives and stories, to reflect and share, broaden and deepen. Essentially the essays are about exploring key moments in our lives, the possibilities for personal transformation, and for being here -- now -- in an authentic way.

The section headings are

Why me? Why now? What about you?
Growing Up
Metaphors and Worldviews
People and Places
Purpose and Meaning
Shadows and Ambiguities
Control and Surrender

Perhaps this piques your interest :-)

In future posts, you'll find material on some of the book's themes, as well as links to related topics. This will get us started:

Authenticity is a rich topic. What does it actually mean, Authenticity? One definition suggests that authenticity is "a particular way of dealing with the external world, being faithful to internal rather than external ideas." This is in sync with the tone of the book but barely begins to scratch the surface. What does authenticity mean to you?

One of the essays in Becoming is called "Work and/or Play." Check out this TED talk by Stuart Brown on "Why Play Is Vital," which relates directly to the essay. Get ready to smile!

Welcome to the Becoming blog. I hope we enjoy a fruitful connection. Please post a comment and give me your feedback and ideas.