What a Trip!

One of the essays in Becoming is entitled What a Trip! (page 71).

And that's just what I'm about to embark on this afternoon :-). I will be travelling in Egypt with a tour that takes an alternative approach to Egyptian culture and civilization, The Lost Civilization theory.

Whatever the truth about the history of Egypt and its civilizations, it will be a chance to be open to new experiences -- dealing with time changes, roommates, unexpected developments....

Marcel Proust says, 'The real voyage of discovery consists of not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." New eyes. What could that mean? The essay, What a Trip!, invites us all to consider our lives as a journey, and to reflect with new eyes on our directions, attitudes, destinations... Here are a few questions to guide the reflection:

If your life were a journey, what have been some of the destinations? How do you experience the journey at times when there is a clear goal in sight, and at times when you feel lost? What has been your attitude toward real or metaphorical potholes, headwinds, or any other difficulites out of your control? In what ways do you resist your life's journey? How could the journey transform if you didn't resist, or allowed the resistance instead of wishing things were different?

In closing, let's smile and appreciate a bit of wisdom from Satchel Page: "Ain't no use hurryin' if you're on the wrong road."

May you find whatever road you are on, to be full of riches, possibilities, learnings, and blessings!

Three big Ms !!!

Here we are, after solstice and the holidays, and just into the new year... I love this time as an opportunity to reflect and settle -- looking back, looking forward, and still, being right here, now; relishing the long, cozy evenings, taking time for tea and quiet. I hope this time has been rewarding and pleasurable for you too.

Apropos new beginnings: I was cycling along recently and it occurred to me while the title of my book, Becoming: Journeying Toward Authenticity, describes what the book has meant for me, it doesn't really do a good job of communicating what I hope the volume can do for its readers. As I rolled along, the phrase Maximize Memorable Moments occurred to me! Three big Ms!

So what do I mean by this? Each essay addresses a 'memorable moment' in my life: some of them were ones that hurt (e.g. The Road to Hell, page 156), or that startled or jolted me in some way (Treasure Trove, page 78), or that opened doors (Look Where You Want to Go, page 112), either in that very moment or in the days and years to come, or that rained down on my life like fireworks (Being Alone, page 31)!

That's two Ems. Memorable Moments. Big ones. Ones that made a lasting impression.

But we all have an abundance of moments that hurt, surprise, jolt us, and they aren't always ones we even want to remember, let alone 'maximize.' So what about that third M?

By Maximize, I mean take the full value from, digest, metabolize, yes, even celebrate! In writing Becoming, the process of recalling these memorable moments, plus the rethinking that was needed to articulate them, meant that each one took on deeper meaning, became richer and gained dimensions compared to being just moments in my life, even memorable ones.

And that is what I wish for us as we move toward into the new year, a new decade: that you may recognize moments in your life as memorable: reading with a grandchild, being hurt or ignored by someone you value, noticing the glint of a sunbeam on a tree or the mountains...

Let us take the time, bring the presence and awareness to rec0gnize these moments, and bring consciousness to them so they may enrich us, and recognize the learning, the teaching they offer.

May they make us more alive, full of life! A major bonus, of course, is that by doing this, we contribute to the evolution of consciousness, ours and that of the cosmos!

Happy New Year, and blessings to you and yours!

Suggestions!

May I be so bold as to suggest some considerations for your giving this season? If you're not interested, you can click on an uplifting Flash Mob performance and carry on with your day :-)

Where ever you are, and whatever you do with this list of suggestions, warm greetings and blessings, and happiness, peace, and joy for the holidays.

Jill

Certainly there are always green and social service gifts, which are clearly good choices. In this note I am suggesting items created by friends of mine, and which cover a broad range of interests: an enchanting children's CD, a riveting historical, psychological, page-turner; an intriguing numerology volume; tools for tapping in to your inner knowing, and a personal invitation to maximize the memorable moments in our lives.

Something for everyone! And you would be supporting local talent! Have a browse :-)

• My dear friend, singer and songwriter Peggy Rose has produced a wonderful CD for children. Our grandchildren love her songs, stories and poems, her warmth and humour. The CD contains a broad variety of themes and rhythms. The songs, stories and poems have a timeless quality, and have been favourites with our children for years now. Her CDs is called Peggy Rose's Musical Storybook, Volume 1. Peggy also has another recording (basement tape quality) called November Rose: Songs of Peace and Love. Both tapes are priced at $10 plus $2 for mailing if necessary. Please contact Peggy at 604-921-7585 or peggystortz@shaw.ca

• A treasured and talented colleague and friend Carla Rieger has written a page-turning adventure story which could be the perfect selection for someone you know. The Change Artist is in turn autobiographical, historical, psychological, and an entirely compelling look at the potential for personal change and transformation. "Romance, adventure, history, philosophy — it has it all! A thought-provoking page-turner that illuminates a little-known period of history and makes it relevant for today." I like how it describes our lives as works of art. What a gift! Buy it here or here.

• If you're deeply into, or simply curious about, numerology, I have just the ticket. A good friend, Lance Shaler, (who features as one of my mentors in my book, Becoming :-), has written a book which makes numerology accessible and fun. In Why Do Numbers Count Lance accesses decades of research and experience, and goes way beyond 'just' numbers in that he links to metaphors about people, plants, our senses, as well as astrology. In case you know people searching for just the right name for their baby, he also offers Baby Names - Why They Count. I have a friend who was startled and amazed at the depth of Lance's insights, and completely rethought the names they had been considering for their new baby. Purchase here and here.

• Who of us would not like to make our work light, either by including many hands, or bringing to it new and brighter dimensions, awareness, or tools? Well, Kate Sutherland has a brand new book called Make Light Work: 10 Tools for Inner Knowing. Her book gives "10 simple but powerful tools to access the inner insight and wisdom that enables you to both resolve major life events and cope with the little everyday problems like: how to deal with a boss who drives you crazy; what food options are best for you or your family; or how to navigate home when an accident snarls traffic. It’s the ultimate self-help book, revealing practical ways we can find our own answers by tuning in." What is more, the layout is accessible and eminently practical, ready to be picked up and used. Available on line here and here.

• And of course I'd like you to consider my volume, Becoming: Journeying Toward Authenticity. Short essays address universal human themes in an intimate way. Recalling and reflecting on pivotal moments in our lives can take us deeper, help us crack old patterns and become more alive and real. The reflection questions in each chapter invite the reader along on the journey. Becoming makes a perfect gift to end the old year and begin the new -- for yourself, a friend, or someone for whom you need a special gift. Read reviews here, and order through me or on line.



Jill Schroder
BECOMING: JOURNEYING TOWARD AUTHENTICITY
1203-2055 Pendrell St.
Vancouver, BC V6G 1T9

Phone/Fax: 604 662-7561

Thanks and gratitude

As many in the US prepare for some form of Thanksgiving celebration (it is, I understand, the holiday for and on which more people travel to be together than any other, and the purpose is, ostensibly, to give thanks), I find myself reflecting on the theme of gratitude and thanks in general.

The practice of Naikan comes to mind, a practice which invites us to reflect on what we have received, what we have given, and what 'troubles and difficulties' we have caused. To quote from the Naikan site: It’s as if, standing on top of a mountain, we shift from a zoom lens to a wide-angle lens. Now we can appreciate the broader panorama - our former perspective still included, but accompanied by much that had been hidden. And that which was hidden makes the view extraordinary."

Another way we might put things in perspective is with Billy Collin's poignant poem, Have a listen to The Lanyard, read by Garrison Keillor on Poetry Everywhere. It invites me to reflect on what I have given and received in the course of my lifetime, or in a day, a week, or from a particular person. And you?

As I recall my experience with Naikan, and feel into the sentiments of The Lanyard, I find myself full of gratitude, for the gift of life, of love, for the chance to celebrate the bounties of the earth together, for time alone, for the crystals of snow on the mountain tops and gracing the window, for the dark time of year, the warmth of bodies, grandchildren, joined hands, open hearts....

Blessings to you and yours this holiday season.

Pivotal Moments

I am pleased to share with you that I will be hosting a book reading through the Vancouver Public Library, Joe Fortes Branch. It is billed as a 'Meet the Author' event, yet I rather think of it as a time to come together to reflect on key moments in our lives. I will select a reading from BECOMING, and then invite a dialogue with participants on the topic.

The theme for the event is Pivotal Moments... recalling and reflecting on those key moments in our lives where something shifted for us -- people, places, events which created 'ah ha' experiences, ones that pushed our boundaries, opened new doors, transformed our perspectives or stories in some significant way...

And here's where you come in. I'd be pleased to hear from you about which essay you would suggest we choose -- one that spoke to you personally, one that you find would be appropriate for an introduction to the book, one that you have found works well in circles and discussion groups...

You can respond by posting a comment on this site, or write to jill.schroder@gmail.com.

If by any chance you are new to the site, you can have a look at BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity by going to the website or visiting Amazon, where you can also read some reviews to get a flavor for the volume.

I look forward to hearing from you, and perhaps to seeing you at the reading on Sunday, Nov. 7. We will meet at 2:00 pm in the Barclay Room of the West End Community Centre, across from the library there, at Haro and Denman in Vancouver. Admission is free, seating is limited.

Cutting the Mustard

One of the first essays in BECOMING, is called Cutting the Mustard. It's in the section Growing Up, and after spending a great deal of time with many of my grandchildren this summer, I am poignantly reminded of the wonders and challenges of this business of 'growing up.' Indeed, I think most of us never complete the job!

Consider this lovely image of a mustard plant...the close up reminds me of how sometimes we are so close to our challenging issues that it's hard to get a perspective on them. We 'become' our anger, the frustration, the resentment... and have no space in our consciousness to see or hold a bigger picture: that what we are experiencing is an emotion, that it is not who we are, that there are choices involved, that we can see things a different way... We are living a freeze frame, which can keep us out of touch with our joy, from the flow, for much of of our lives.

One 'Significant Emotional Experience' (SEE) from my childhood involved mustard :-). It featured majorly in my personal work for decades. (Old grooves lie deep, and are hard to change!) My parents had guests over for dinner, and I was invited down to say hello before being whisked off to bed. I was about three years old. When I asked what was in a dish on the dinner table, people said, "Try it." Well I did. It was bitter and surprising, and I must have made a pinched face. Everyone laughed, and I felt (though I wouldn't have been able to put a word to it at that time), humiliated. This single experience colored the way I experienced new situations, ones that involved mistakes, or stepping out of familiar patterns, for a very long time.

Let tiny mustard seeds stand for the seemingly small events in our lives, our SEEs. Yet they have the power to grow, and grow, and grow... and come to exert a surprisingly powerful effect on our lives, our sense of self, our ability to simply be ourselves and live at ease and with authenticity.

After recalling and working with my mustard experience many times, it has finally lost its charge, and my fear of humiliation has faded... it's more OK to make mistakes, to look foolish. The possibility of failure, or not being good at something new, doesn't hold the terror it did for me for a long time. (Now, while mistakes are OK, I certainly still like to be right! Just kidding!)

Actually, when I try to think back to the time when the humiliation frame was around many of my pictures, I almost can't remember what that was like. It's quite amazing. Our early grooves lie very deep, but it is indeed possible to change them, with hard work, and lots of repetition.

New studies on neural pathways, brain plasticity, our early 'wiring' and how it can be changed, support this experience. The good news: we can change patterns and beliefs that are no longer serving us. The bad news: it takes a long time and hard work. You might like to check out Laurel Mellin's approach, which is backed by years of experience with clients and the latest scientific research. I recommend her books The Pathway, and Wired for Joy.

It's almost as though I've stepped back and can see the whole field now, and neither the mustard seed, nor the single plant that grew in my garden, loom large, or take up the whole frame. I can see the beauty of the panorama, and have some choice about where I put my attention!


I invite you to reflect on a significant emotional experience in your life. How has it been, or is it still, limiting for you? If so, in what ways? Take some time to experiment with telling the story in a different way. What do you notice in your body? How do you feel when you consider 'dropping' the old version of the story and adopting a new one?

Your comments and contributions are most welcome! If you have enjoyed this exploration, please consider purchasing BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or in Vancouver at Banyen Books.

Children -- Oh, the children!

We have just enjoyed a number of family visits -- reunions with far flung children and grandchildren, home visits with closer groups. The time together puts me in mind of the numerous ways that children influence and shape our lives.

What are the ways you have found children to be formative, possibly transformative, in your life? Your own children, nieces and nephews, grandchildren... they all touch us.

One way they touch us is that children can remind us of how we came to be who we are. "There are no seven wonders in the eyes of a child, there are seven million." -- Walt Steightiff

We have the opportunity to be with them as they evolve from open, undefended bundles of presence to the unique, distinctive packages of personhood that they each become, inevitably. If we view their unfoldment from a larger perspective, observing how this happens, we can sometimes notice what effect these little personalities can have on our own, and we have an extremely illuminating tool that can contribute to our own journey of awakening, our own journey toward authenticity, toward being our true selves.

In BECOMING, a full chapter is devoted to the gifts I have received from grandchildren in my life, for example reminders of our inherent vitality and easy confidence, ("Who wants to play with the amazing Me?" she said at four, arms open and up high!); really paying attention, full attention; experiencing awe, wonder, unfettered, unconditional joy; giggling and gurgling for no apparent reason; intrepid, unfazed determination, courage and strength; contactfulness, easy personal connection, free from doubt, second-guessing; fearless availability and full responsiveness to the magic of the world... to name just a few!

And then there's also the other side! I've had conversations with parents who are stymied at times, exhausted, daunted, perplexed, and exasperated at the cumulative effect of the 'NO, I won't, and you can't make me!', the push-back and defiant modes, seemingly endless self-focus, lack of cooperation, stubbornness. How 'unreasonable' they can be! What the heck can one 'do'? How the heck can one 'be' with these beings?

Recently a young father observed that reading Eckhard Tolle's A New Earth had made a remarkable difference in his capacity to be present and patient with his children during the crunchy times. He went on to say how this new way of being was as much a gift to his kids, as to himself. I was touched by the conversation, and see it as a perfect example of how being with, and raising, children is really about continuing to 'raise ourselves', about our being willing and able to look at our triggers, and to inquire about why this or that behavior gets to us so deeply!

I like to believe that our children 'chose' us as their parents, and that together we have almost a destiny to give and share love and the good times life offers, but also to teach and learn from each other. Wes Stafford says, "Every child you encounter is a divine appointment."

So I leave you with two questions, to reflect on the sweet, rich, profound gifts, as well as the irksome and agonizing triggers and times, (whether in waking hours or during the long nights) that we experience with children: What might be some of the lessons that the children in your life are offering to you? Are you 'getting' the message?!

BECOMING : Journeying Toward Authenticity has several essays about these themes, life lessons, children, ways we learn. Perhaps you might like to check it out, give yourself and the children in your lives the gift of continuing to grow up! Other books that you might be interested in are Annie Burnside's Soul to Soul Parenting : A Guide to Raising a Spiritually Conscious Family, great for grandparents too!, and Anne Hillman's illuminating volume Awakening the Energies of Love : Discovering Fire for the Second Time. When we are tapped in to the larger space of transformative love, we have so much more to bring to the daily ups and downs.

You might also enjoy checking out the Becoming website -- and explore various ways the volume has been fruitful for people -- in therapy, spiritual and ongoing discussion groups, study circles, as a tool for self-reflection, aid in journaling. Your comments, questions, suggestions are always welcome!